Travel Tip

Here’s a travel tip that works for me and might work great for you too!
When I’m away from home, sometimes I’ll see somebody on a cab line or in the hotel lobby who looks like my friend Dave. And I’ll go up to them and I’ll say: “Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave.” And they’ll say something like, “I’m sorry, you’ve mistaken me for somebody else.” And I’ll say: “Dave.” And they’ll say, “Can you step back a few feet? You’re standing too close to me.”
And I’ll keep saying: “Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave.” until eventually, through force of will, I cause them to transmute at the molecular level into my friend Dave. With Dave’s scruffy beard. Dave’s John Lennon glasses.
“Dave!” I’ll say. “Yes, I am Dave,” they’ll say. Dave!

8 comments for “Travel Tip

  1. itto ogami
    March 5, 2008 at 5:43 pm

    there is medication for that, among other things.
    disclaimer: side effects include vomiting, nausea, IBS, warts, typhoid, rickets, ingrown toenails, rapid ear hair growth, teeth acne, evil possession, conversion to scientology, and nipple dryness.
    i love tv drug disclaimers.

  2. imaginary friend
    March 6, 2008 at 8:05 am

    i miss him too, but cecil, shoehorning yourself into someone else’s personal space and transmuting?? it must stop. you know why? ’cause dave–no, look into my eyes now–dave. wouldn’t. like. it.

  3. Laura
    March 7, 2008 at 10:03 am

    Big poncho Dave? “There is always time to come to be” Dave? Or another one?

  4. March 7, 2008 at 11:03 am

    Laura: I was thinking more of a sort of composite of all the Dave’s I’ve known before.
    Also: your memory is metallic! (for other folks just to put this in perspective: Big poncho Dave is someone I haven’t seen since 1989. I did write a poem about him tho, buried somewhere on this very site.)

  5. Laura
    March 7, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    Yes–I remember things that happened twenty years ago with remarkable dexterity, while I can’t recall things that happened twenty days ago. I am exquisitely suited to live in the world of 1989. Or better yet, 1979. Now if I could match that with a career…

  6. March 7, 2008 at 6:28 pm

    1979. Now that was a year. The year my family moved back from Holland to the States.

  7. Laura
    March 7, 2008 at 7:59 pm

    1979. The best year in popular music. Arguably.

  8. March 8, 2008 at 10:02 am

    1979: How innocent I was then! They hadn’t even selected my haftorah portion yet!

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