![[cecil]](http://cecilvortex.com//monkey/graphics/ceciliconm.gif)
![[vortex]](http://cecilvortex.com/monkey/graphics/vortexiconm.gif)
October 16, 2005
No one should suffer
Some say "no one should suffer simply because they have chosen to fall in love."
But I'm not certain I agree.
Surely someone should suffer.
Surely. Someone should suffer simply.
Because they have chosen to fall.
But perhaps no one have chosen?
You think? Because they suffer then?
Perhaps they surely? Simply to choose?
I'm say not certain.
Surely to choose to love, yes?
Surely to choose perhaps
to love at last
to fall
simply because
but no one agree.
What's all this about choosing to fall in love?
Posted by: xian at October 16, 2005 4:02 PMthanks xian,
now look at the edits ye have wrought.
I'm gonna get serious here... Forgive? I think the first two stanzas are great, and that's it, the whole poem. You don't need the rest. Depending on the mood of the reader, it's a) delightful wordplay b) a tongue-in-cheek description of the writing process c) grammar murder d) literary wanking e) simply wanking.
Posted by: Michael Rymaszewski at October 18, 2005 10:47 AMHey Michael,
Serious can be excellent -- thanks a lot for the feedback.
Me personally, I prefer the whole. The rest of it after that 2nd stanza isn't meant to be playful wordplay, though I could see how it could come off that way. There's actually meaning there, at least in my haid. But mebbe it doesn't make it through. Will ponder.....
Posted by: cecil vortex at October 18, 2005 10:55 AMWho are you calling Shirley?
[There, that re-sets the serious quotient.]
Posted by: the RaptorMage at October 18, 2005 12:54 PMMy brain hurts.
Posted by: xian at October 19, 2005 6:50 AMI have a whole different feeling about this poem now that I know it was inspired by Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher. Whether I like it more or less, I'm not sure.
Posted by: So-Called Bill at October 19, 2005 10:48 AMHaving heard this one out loud, I think it reads less drunken than it did at first sight.
But I'm say not certain.
Posted by: the RaptorMage at October 21, 2005 8:56 PM
![[cecil2]](http://monkeyvortex.com/graphics/cecil3.gif)
