April 6, 2006

Sliding toward Sandy Hook

I am inclined seaward.
Tilted at my desk
with my hair
saltwater soaked.

Seaweed, of course.

There's a mussel in each ear.
and a starfish sucking on my nose.

Five equal segments hath the starfish.
No heart, nor brain, nor eyes.

And yet I find
its tube feet

with their remarkable vascular system

dragging me off into the deep.

What do you think?

I think the mussels line is totally, like, get rid of it man. So cutesy. Just cut it out, listen:

Seaweed
of course.

And there's a starfish
splayed on my nose.

I think "sucking" is cutesy too. Sorry. I'm a little drunk tonight.

Don't ya love it when some Polack rewrites your poems for ya?

Michael

Posted by: Michael Rymaszewski at April 6, 2006 2:42 PM

Michael: Actually, I do!

Nice to hear from you. This one is still in process. Will work on it more tonight. So who knows, I may yet make your changes and take all the credit.....
-Cecil

Posted by: Cecil Vortex at April 6, 2006 2:48 PM

I'll pay you five dollars to write a song called "Starfish Sucking on My Nose."

Posted by: So-Called Bill at April 6, 2006 3:43 PM

I thought this one was fantastic. There are so many wordplays going on. I'd keep it as is. I wish I could get out of the confines of prose poems and do this!

Posted by: Laura at April 6, 2006 4:45 PM

when are we meeting there? good friend

Posted by: heroic imp at April 6, 2006 5:43 PM

I am "inclined" to read this whole poem as a remarkable vascular system. Clam-tastic!

Posted by: rodney k. at April 7, 2006 8:19 AM

Yeah well I wouldn't have gone to the trouble of posting anything if I didn't love it in the first place. Whenever I like something, I get this urge to fiddle with it so that I'll like it even more. Of course it makes things worse more often than not.

But I still think the mussels are cutesy. So boo.

Posted by: Michael Rymaszewski at May 8, 2006 4:41 AM

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