January 18, 2007

Your Warehouse

Looking into your warehouse it's clear that
someone's really good at stacking boxes.

I know they use machines
but it's still a skill
to form
a lattice like that

three stories high

to hold against
the pull top boxes feel

their natural urge to tumble
and tip
to splay and splash

to show the floor their glory.

What do you think?

This is it.
This is the one, for me.
Expressed precisely,
concisely.
Near perfection.
I tumble down
at your feet.

Submit it!

Posted by: E. (Other one) at January 18, 2007 5:04 PM

and for your box-stacking pleasure....

http://www.tcpulse.com/2006/04/20/ac/printingtothesky/

Posted by: e. at January 19, 2007 8:00 AM

great link e -- definitely worth the click through. if you like boxes.
-Cecil

Posted by: Cecil Vortex at January 19, 2007 8:09 AM

to hold against
the pull top boxes feel
their natural urge to tumble

This part confuses me -- where is the break?
to hold against the pull//top boxes feel their...
OR
to hold against//
the pull(-)top boxes feel their natural urge...

is pull-top a compound? are the boxes feeling the pull or the urge? Grammar = sticky wicket, and yet w/o it, meaning is obscured.

this part tripped me over and over. I see the rest very clearly, I feel the awe, the man vs machine, the intricacies of industry, etc. But the wording in those 2-3 lines is a possum-trap and my leg's caught. Must...chew...way..out...

Posted by: lemonblossom at January 20, 2007 5:06 PM

lb: interesting -- no intentional confusion there. it's sposed to read as as the pull (that) boxes up top feel...their natural urge, etc etc.
will ponder....
-Cecil...

Posted by: Cecil Vortex at January 20, 2007 9:00 PM

Yes, yes. I actually like this no-holds-barred image of tumbling, tumbling down, no stopping, no breaks, nothing to break the momentum of the ... ahh...!

Posted by: E. (Other one) at January 21, 2007 9:32 AM

I feel like something of the flow 'breaks' a bit for me when I reach this:

"to hold against
the pull top boxes feel"

but I'm not sure what to offer beyond that. I think my favorite aspect of this poem is that it comments on something seemingly ordinary, something that we all wonder about when walking through a warehouse but who ever says it?

-jade

Posted by: Jade at January 30, 2007 2:28 PM

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