Fear the Egg!

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I don't have all the details worked out, but I've got my high-concept pitch ready for "Speed IV: Fear the Egg!"

Keanu's back and the Dennis Hopper role is played by a soft-boiled egg. The egg's planted a bomb on the bus. Keanu has to cook the egg and eat it before the bomb goes off! Or maybe the Dennis Hopper role is played by Jack Nicholson, and he's made a soft-boiled egg, and he's challenging Keanu to eat it, real fast, or the bus gets it! Honestly, I think they're both winners.

Can you hear the timer, tick, tick, ticking? Close up on the bus! -- the egg-cooker! -- the bus! -- a really small spoon! -- Keanu's mouth!

I know that strictly speaking it's illegal to print money, so I can't come out and say that this will be like printing money. But I bet it'll be just like that thing I just mentioned a second ago. (The money thing.) Woohoo!

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  • I think the soft-boiled egg would be better in the Keanu role. In the Hopper role, maybe Christian Bale?

  • clearly the egg represents gestation and the period before a violent birth (of planet earth, or the soon to be new rnc chairperson). keanu represents mara, the buddhist lord of death, who, in his quest to 14-minute boil and consume the egg, rampages against life and resurrection (and the rnc).

    classic. i dare say it will be you accepting the tiny bald gold man next year.

    who will play the new rnc chair? mickey rourke? he's so now, and you always liked diner. you told kevin bacon in nyc.

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