Stalin’s Sexy Man-Apes

In the mid-1920s a team of Soviet scientists led by a soft-spoken man named Ilya Ivanov began work on a secret project aimed at developing an army of ape-human hybrids. Picture a squad of these creatures attacking Berlin. Joseph Stalin did. “I want a new invincible human being,” Stalin was reported to have instructed the young Ivanov. “Insensitive to pain. Resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat. Hairy, with sort of a monkey-type look.”
Under rising budget pressures, the Reds finally abandoned their efforts in the 1980s. But not before producing a tribe of eleven so-called “man-apes,” kept under close guard in a secure prison at the base of the Ural Mountains.
Last December the story made international headlines when of these four man-apes stunned the world — executing a daring escape and destroying their guards, the labs, and the rest of the man-ape tribe in the process! The cunning quartet made their way across the Urals to Western Europe where they requested and received political asylum from the U.S. embassy in Frankfurt.
Little else was known regarding the details of their escape, although one tantalizing rumor did surface — that these were four unusually attractive man-apes, and that they’d used their good looks to somehow distract their captors. Predictably, the British tabloids leapt on this choice tidbit, dubbing them “Stalin’s Sexy Man Apes.” And the label stuck.
Until today, that was all we knew. “Stalin’s Sexy and Enigmatic Man-Apes,” you might say. But that changes this week, as cecilvortex.com proudly unveils an exclusive intimate peek inside the hearts and minds of Sergei, Ivan, Dmitri, and “little Ivan.”
You can call them man-apes. You can call them sexy. We call them fascinating.
Tomorrow: Sergei!

2 comments for “Stalin’s Sexy Man-Apes

  1. rodney k.
    October 11, 2006 at 7:16 am

    They’re Baaaaaaack …

  2. e.
    October 11, 2006 at 3:35 pm

    oh my; i feel a bit faint.
    glad you’re pacing the roll out; if you’d gone straight to dmitri, well, just be glad you didn’t.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *