January 19, 2006

Too much pee

If you find yourself
stepping on the scale after peeing

well,

that's not a good sign.

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February 16, 2005

Overheard in Paradise

"Vegans?
40 vegans?!

Look, no offense vegans -- I'm sure you're all wonderful people. But this is total bullshit."

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February 14, 2005

Snacktime

Had a vegan chocolate chip cookie at lunch today
and it was delicious, you know? But I felt kind of guilty.
About all those vegans.

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July 24, 2004

A poem one of my ancestors might have written, but I feel this way too

When it's all clouded over
thick, sheep's belly wool
blocking out stars and sky
you have to think:
  Shit!
  We're screwed!
  Now we'll never see the aliens
  when they 
  come to eat our
    brains out.
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June 14, 2004

In the elevator at the Best Western across from Disneyland

He had a Mickey Mouse hat
and a Donald Duck shirt
and a nose that was just

and a nose that was just

and a nose that was just
plain goofy.

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May 27, 2004

Here's something

Here's something you don't hear often enough at award shows: "I want to shout out to all my poops."

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