You probably can’t tell from this blog, but I’m an exceptionally accomplished fellow. For example: I once taught a family of gerbils how to sign “hello” and “nice to see you.” I can hold my breath for three hours. From 1983 to 1987, everything I said or thought rhymed with “cantaloupe.” Nice bar of soap. I like the pope. Someone should write a book called “The Audacity of Hope.”
It was a difficult time for my family.
Still, even I was surprised to learn of my latest accomplishment. It turns out I’m the creator of the world’s top-ranking Google result for the search phrase want to smell something wonderful.
When something like that happens to you, you just, you know you look back on your life so far — that dusty road leading up to the here and now, and you say, “Yeah. Time well spent.”
What about you? Accomplish anything extraordinary of late?
I haven’t done anything worthy of note, but have you noticed that the poor chap from trashycelebs.com, who you’ve beaten into fifth place in the google ranking for this search string asks: ‘Want to smell like an Unpronounceable Symbol?’
‘Yes, Dear lord! Yes!’ I want to shout.
I helped:
-launch the most destructive and ill fated war in modern history, and by extension further damage already tense relations between nations and religions.
-bankrupt one of the wealthiest countries in the world.
-make stalin look good by internal security and spy measures.
-pollute and destroy an ever weakening and fragile environment.
-deny health care to tens of millions of my citizens.
-support the torture of ‘captives’ and ‘prisoners’ in shocking violation of the geneva convention.
i could go on, but i think i had you at war.
for these and my other accomplishments, please go to:
http://thousandreasons.org/reasons.php
I just checked. Exotic Bird Parks Utah, still number 1. I’m proud just to be number 2 for School Naughty Ghosts.
congrats
Cap’n — you have a terrifying memory.
W — yikes.
Colin — that sounds dangerously like smelling like Prince.
-Cecil
i each dark chocolate twice a day.
also, i once told donald rumsfeld that his shoe was untied. true.
I take it as a high honor to have my humble phrase appropriated by a man of such accomplishment. You’ll probably be the #1 Google result for that too, now.
Itto: It’s true that you told Rumsfeld that? Or true that his shoe was untied? If you were just messing with him, bonus points for you.
For anyone who’s curious, So-Called Bill is aluding to the fact that I swiped the current tagline (“…my own increasingly leaky head-thing…”) from a recent post on his delightful blog-place: http://www.thephilter.com
-Cecil
when i said true, i meant false. in actuality, it was wolfowitz. my brain froze when i typed rumsfeld, which is what happens whenever i ponder either of those kooks.
I read the Cecil vortex blog in my Jimi Hendrix underwear and ate Clementines, almonds, and red peppers. All good.