Senator Strom Thurmond belongs to my gym.
I see him there three, four times a week.
On the treadmill.
Sculpting his biceps.
His rock hard abs.
He doesn’t listen to music while he works out.
He just stares straight ahead
with his iron skull and his
wide, bony eye sockets.
I try to tell him it’s overkill.
“Senator, really.
At your advanced age
one time a week
would be more than enough.”
He snarls at me. “Son,” he says.
“You don’t know beans.”
i met strom at a dc event, and i to this day i can’t believe he was alive. but, belligerence is a mighty elixir.
speaking of my fair city, some of you may know that marion barry (disgraced former d.c. mayor) was recently elected to district council. he’s a charmer (forgive the length, but marion is really something):
“The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather.”
“If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate.”
“The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist.”
“I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?”
“The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice.”
“I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600’s. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican.”
“People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn’t break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!”