So I have this new idea for a movie. It’s the most completely original idea I’ve ever come up with. And tonight I’m giving it to the world because that’s how much I love the world.
The movie’s called “Gnome Alone.” And the idea is, I’ve gone away for Christmas vacation and I’ve accidentally left my gnome home, all by himself. Two bungling crooks try to rob the place, but my gnome fights them off with a series of slapstick Rube Goldberg-style defensive maneuvers. And then he stabs them in the heart.
I’m proud to say, this idea is entirely fiction. (I don’t even have a gnome!)
It’s sort of a send up of all those gnome movies from back in the late ’50s. “The Third Gnome.” “Gnome on a Hot Tin Roof.” Remember those? “12 Angry Gnomes”? What was up with that?
Update: My family reminded me that Meg Ryan also had those pair of gnome movies in the ’80s and ’90s: “When Gnome Met Sally” and then a few years later, “You’ve Got Gnome.”
Have you seen “Gnome Country for Old Men” yet??
I haven’t but they say it’s got Oscar written all over it. Those Coen Brothers really know how to write for gnomes.
-Cecil
I recall being disturbed by the French classic “3 Hommes et un gnome” but I found the American version life-affirming, altho I’m not sure they used a real gnome.
Yes, but the sequel, “3 Gnomes and a Little Lady”…talk about disturbing….
I think it’s important that you “flesh out,” as it were, the reader/viewer’s picture of the gnome. In my limited yet convincing experience, the basic gnome comes attired in a little red hat and sporting a bulbous nose. Alternatively, the basic gnome can appear au naturel in your basic concrete mold form. You will greatly enhance your credibility as a filmmaker and a WRITER if you decide quickly what the creature looks like, especially since he/she is going to stab someone. And, since everyone’s talking about Oscars and Golden Globes (or are they garden globes), the sequel to your movie could be Agnomement, assuming that your gnome will feel somewhat sorry for what he/she has done.
I picture the gnome as looking a lot like Zach Braff.
Who was also, coincidentally, the star of “Garden Gnome.”
You see how it’s all connected?
I suggest a six degress of gnomeness game to accompany the movie.
With a spell check for gnomes who can’t spell-I meant to write degrees. Yikes.
One more thing, then I’m going to take myself off this thread before it absorbs my whole life:
At one point, I seriously considered changing my legal name to “Gnome Chomsky.”
so gnomic of you, so-called free will.
Going all the way back to “3 Hommes et un gnome,” I remember being stunned at the end when the architect didn’t get the gnome.
Also, in the spirit of “Alien vs. Predator,” I’m looking forward to the inevitable “Gnome vs. Leprechaun.”
-Cecil
at the risk of offense, you will have a hard time stopping the porn industry from parodying your movie with alternative versions…
deep gnome
playgnome
better gnome s*x
gnomes gone wild
Behind the Gnome Door.