This; And also that

I found this spam comment on a friend’s site yesterday (minus the line breaks). I’ve swapped out the thing they were selling and replaced it with “clown shoes” because, well, I don’t want to sell their stuff. But I loved this spam comment. And I thought you might too: “Clown Shoes said… Have you seen … Read more

Everything is black and white here. They shine bright lights on us and shout “Passports? ID? What is your country?” We moan and claw at our eyes with fingers cracked and crooked. Sometimes the light is swung about and I think I see a form, stout — squat — three arms? This is Florence. They … Read more

What our crazy neighbor said to my wife the other night not realizing that my wife is “the woman before you” and that we’d recently fixed the porch light, she said: “I’m glad you’re here because the woman before you was a devil they lived in darkness and you know about darkness.”

“Did you hear that? That’s the sound of me throwing my Dale Carnegie book into the trash.”

Eventually, so few people bothered to vote any more all they had to do was gas the voting booths on election day to get rid of the remaining troublemakers.

A girl lives in a castle, surrounded by enormous wealth. She is ignored by virtually everyone. Unbeknownst to her, she is also the source of all this wealth. A woman she believes is her mother lives with her in the castle. This woman is very sad and still, quiet and pale. The castle is run … Read more

If you love yourself even a little, check out TMBG.com — They Might Be Giants home on the web. I have enjoyed this band for, like 19 years. Gack! After sort of burning out on them, I went to a recent show and I was shocked at how much fun I had. They opened with … Read more

A few years ago I finally figgered out a really obvious thing: that writing’s only one part inspiration/ability. Duh, I know. But there I was, waiting for the spirit of F. Scott to sieze control of my spine, to toss me into my deskchair and start my finger bones pounding out Gatsby II: The Reckoning. … Read more

I have seen you eat eggs, and it’s a fearsome sight. If I was an egg, and you looked in the window, I would start to cry. I wouldn’t have any legs, so I’d just rock back and forth, thin tears tracing down the hard shell of my face. Now maybe you’d surprise me and … Read more

The absurdity of sports was really bothering him now. The idea of rooting for this team or that team. Some group of people wearing a costume similar to a costume he used to react favorably to when he was young. Or at least younger. Some subset of super-athletes whose contracts matched. Whose agents got along. … Read more