This; And also that

you: I have to put the cat to sleep. me: why? you: he’s leaving the dentist’s poop all over the house. me: how does he get the dentist’s poop? you: I give it to him. she: why? me: yeah, why? you: because he’s bored. he needs something to play with. she: but how do you … Read more

Am I the only one freaked out by all these blind people? Taking our jobs — ? our women — ? our German Sheperds?

A post-apocalyptic romantic comedy. You know, like, it’s the big first date and he’s all wigged out because he doesn’t know if the girl’s a girl or if she’s a flesh-eating zombie. Starring Mathew Broderick. And introducing: a flesh-eating zombie.

“This is better than some lollipops I know.”

I’ll be gone for a couple of days, so I thought we’d try something a little differemt this morning — an open thread. The idear is that you folks keep the site crackling in my absence — overflowing with woosh! — by adding your own snippets of dialog, slices of lyric, poems, demi-poems, stories, or … Read more

Waiting around for election day doesn’t count as an activity.

She has a hard, twisted smile like she’s just taken poison and if you say one more word well, she’ll let some of it leak. Her jaw, it will slack and the venom will bubble oh there’ll be lots of trouble when she opens up that beak.

please don’t call on me. I’m writing poetry.

Walking is a kind of dance. Dancing is the only way to move. (this from my 6-year-old back when she was a 4-or-5-year-old.)

I walk into the restroom and there are these two guys in there and it already stinks and they look at me like I did something wrong and I’m thinking hey — I just got here and then one of them leaves and then the other one leaves so now I’m all alone for like … Read more