This; And also that

Yes. Yes I am on a cell phone. You’re right about that. And I’m driving. Yes I am. I’m driving at the same time. I’m on a cell phone right now. And I’m driving. Yes. At the same time. Yes. And screw you too.

Scanning the site’s traffic log tonight I learned two incredible facts: (1) Because of a pair of lines in a pair of poems… if you search “exotic bird parks” and “Utah” in Google, not only is cecilvortex.com the first choice you get, cecilvortex.com is the only choice you get. Amazing! (2) Somebody — some actual … Read more

So my 3-and-a-half-year-old son is busting kung fu moves in the living room yesterday. And his godfather asks him: “Did you learn that from Jackie Chan?” And my son replies: “No, I learned it from Chuck E. Cheese.”

It was a hard laugh. A cold laugh. The kind of laugh that savages the funny. It pulls the funny outside. Stuffs it into the trunk of a ’79 Chevy Impala. Takes the funny for a ride. It was a hard, joyless laugh. And it kept on coming.

I should have gone to the bathroom when I had the chance. I should have got myself a coffee before the coffee shop closed. I should have not said that thing that I said. I should have just let it go. Let it go.

With the biggest smile, my headed-toward-four-year-old says: “Daddy?” And I say “Yeah?” And he says: “Since it’s such a beautiful day, I love you.” And that line, complete with matching catchy melody, has been stuck in my headbone for nearly 72 hours now. The perfect Cole Porter lyric, showing up nearly 40 years too late, … Read more

He was a rock star, wearing an orange t-shirt while the rest of the band wore gray. Showing off his practiced dance moves on particle board. Strumming a big guitar. Stomping one boot in rhythm. Sending out bass and drum to a crowd of sun-sweat smiley college boys and girls who sat and stood and … Read more

How come nobody’s building arks? Everybody’s building boats. I wish someone would build me an ark. Pray that it floats…..

True-fact dialog tonight between my 6-year-old daughter and my 3-year-old son: She: “Why is 6 afraid of 7?” He: “Cuz 7 is a monster.” And I don’t know. I just find that funny. I mean, yeah, the more traditional response would be “because 7 8/ate 9.” And sure, that’s what they want him to say. … Read more

I am a monkey what likes to learn. I know this sounds whacky, but keeping a semi-regular journal, which I’ve started doing these last few months, seems to kinda maybe sorta be improving my long term memory in strange and spooky ways. Coming up with a decent joke that uses the phrase “long term mammary” … Read more